Last weekend we celebrated Thanksgiving here in Canada. As I sat down to write the Mindful Moment for that weekend, I thought about using the theme of Thanksgiving. Instead, what came to me was a piece on saying goodbye. (I suggest you re-read it here.) Now I know why I was compelled to write using that theme.

Last Friday, I received the following e-mail from a Mindful Moment subscriber (she kindly agreed to let me reprint it here):

Patrick:
Reading your Mindful Moment comments this Thanksgiving brought forward a very important message often overlooked. At first I was puzzled that you chose this for Thanksgiving. Soon it became clear.The following morning at 5:15 a.m. my oldest daughter Jamie was in a severe motor vehicle accident and was transferred to a trauma center in Hamilton with a fractured pelvis and back as well as a small bleed on her brain.

How quickly our normal routine lives can change. A knock at the door and a police officer and the beginning of something you never imagined. As my husband and I drove home from the hospital tonight and did our usual venting of exactly how blessed and grateful we feel, how incredibly lucky Jamie had been, and how wonderfully supportive our family, friends and entire community has been, the importance of your message shines through.

I hope all my daughters have known they are loved unconditionally but there will never be a time that I will hesitate to say it.

God bless you and promise to give your son a HUGE hug from his “friend” Debbie.

-Debbie

Friends, I want each of you to promise me, and promise Debbie, that as soon as the goose bumps on your arms go down, you’ll run to your loved ones, or at the very least pick up the phone and call them to let them know just how much they mean to you! Promise?

Think of someone very dear to you. Perhaps your spouse or lover comes to mind. Maybe it is a child, parent or friend.

Now I want you to imagine that this is the last time you would ever see that person again.

• Imagine how long you would take to say goodbye.
• What would you say?
• What would you make absolutely sure they know?

Our need to say goodbye is tremendously strong. The book Final Gifts by two hospice nurses, Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley, is filled with very touching stories illustrating dying people’s need for closure.

Brazilian author Paulo Coelho recently shared the following story:

During the atrocities that accompanied the Bolshevik revolution, thousands of people were arbitrarily arrested, beaten, stripped and executed with a shot in the back of the head. According to one witness: “at the most tragic moment in our lives we have an absolute need to not feel alone. So most of the victims asked to say goodbye – and since there was nobody nearby, they embraced and said farewell to their executioners.”

Life is full of uncertainties. We never know when we will be saying goodbye for the last time. Now I’m not advocating that you say your final goodbyes each and every time you leave for work or head to the store for milk.

What I am suggesting is that from time to time we need to check in with ourselves to ensure that those whom we love know how much they mean to us.

I will consider my life a success if I can go to my grave knowing that there is no one to whom I didn’t get the chance to say the words “I’m sorry”, “I forgive you”, or “I love you”.

Is there anything you are leaving unsaid?